Love Languages for Men: Understanding How Your Partner Wants to Be Loved
INSIDE: Gain a quick understanding as we simplify love languages for men. Plus, discover how men can specifically apply these languages to the women in their lives.
Mastering the understanding of one's own love language can drastically improve the quality of any relationship. And knowing the love language of your partner can help you give her what she desires from the relationship.
In 1992, an author named Gary Chapman drastically changed the way we view love with his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. In his book, Chapman identified five ways we give and receive love, emphasizing that we speak some languages better than others in our romantic lives.
Here we will take a more in-depth look at love languages for men, giving and receiving love, and what this means for your partnership.
What Are the 5 Love Languages?
In short, our love languages outline how we receive love from others. Learning your preferred language is important since it assists in avoiding unnecessary disagreements and it can help you and your partner understand how to love each other.
Words of Affirmation
If hearing your partner give you positive, encouraging words makes you feel happy and loved, then Words of Affirmation could be one of your primary love languages. This is one of the more common love languages for men.
With Words of Affirmation, knowing when and how to use words can be a simple yet profound act in any relationship. Regularly using the right compliments will maintain your partners’ confidence and keep them feeling appreciated and loved.
It doesn’t matter if someone is congratulating a job nicely done or simply saying thank you, those who mostly listen with this love language will feel extremely admired and loved when appreciation is spoken instead of shown.
Those who have Quality Time as their main love language are fixed on receiving uninterrupted time and attention from their partner. For it to qualify as Quality Time, it has to be moments scheduled for them and only them, with no interruptions.
They would like all of the focus to be on them and they want both of you to enjoy an activity together. Multitasking or constantly checking your phone won’t cut it and may make your partner start to feel unappreciated. They want to feel that they are the most important thing to you at that moment.
When speaking about love languages for men, Quality Time is rarely at the top of the list, but for women, it consistently ranks at the top, which makes knowing how to express this love language an important skill for men to master.
Going long durations of time without meaningfully touching your partner will make someone with Physical Touch as their love language feel unloved and unappreciated. Even the smallest touch can help to refuel and energize someone who falls into this particular group. They need these regular acts of love to feel satisfied and appreciated.
This doesn’t mean that everyone with this love language needs you to be constantly touching them, because they might cherish their personal space too. This only means that they would like regular reminders of that love in the form of Physical Touch.
Overt gestures, such as big bear hugs or massage can work well, but even the smallest acts are also enough, like a kiss on the forehead or gently touching them as you pass by.
Some love languages tend to fit more into the natural personalities of men and women, but this is one of the love languages for men that is just as important as it is for women.
Acts of Service
Those whose primary love language is Acts of Service would like to see their partner do some specific things to show them how much they care. Words of Affirmation are not what this type of person is mostly looking for. They want their loved ones to make an effort to do something to help them, usually with one of their daily practical needs.
For example, washing the dishes or cleaning up for them when they may not have the time is an excellent way to display your love. Taking the time to do everyday things that will make their day easier is a surefire way to let them know you’re constantly thinking of them.
Acts of Service as an expression of love are in direct contrast to those who only speak their affections. With this combination, it becomes one of the more important love languages for men to learn.
And remember, if your partner has to wait and ask for your help, it entirely defeats the purpose and won’t have the same effect.
To some, this love language may seem selfish or shallow, but that misunderstanding only comes from a limited concept of what Receiving Gifts actually is. Even the smallest gift is one this person can appreciate.
Buying their favorite snack or coffee at the right time could mean more than an expensive gift. It’s not just the price tag or size, but rather the thought that went into the gift. The gift is just a physical representation of your thoughts for them. It can even be something you make yourself.
How to Love Your Partner Based on Her Love Language
Now that we understand the five love languages for men and women, let’s take a look at how you can apply and use these languages to better communicate with that special woman in your life.
Words of Affirmation
Men are inherently logical beings and naturally respond to most comments or questions from a logical standpoint. But when in conversation with a woman seeking comfort, this may not always be the most effective communication style.
Women often need Words of Affirmation more than they need constructive criticism and information. Responding to a woman who is sharing her feelings with facts (when she didn’t ask for them) can cause a disconnect in the conversation and possibly the relationship, whether it be a friendship or something more serious.
These women need to hear supportive words and encouragement before the logical info is shared.
What meets the requirements for Quality Time between men and women often differs greatly. For men, doing anything, as long as the couple is at least in the room, is often thought of as Quality Time. But for women, Quality Time tends to mean doing something together that she enjoys, like going to a fancy restaurant for lunch or an unexpected movie date.
Women also appreciate Quality Time that is planned entirely by the man. Women expect men to remember what they like and don’t like, so in their eyes, a man should be able to plan some activities that she would enjoy without needing her input.
Don’t forget that this is one of the rare love languages for men, as far as receiving, but that shouldn’t be a problem in learning how to give this love language to a woman. All it takes is a little practice and effort.
Physical Touch refers more to intimacy than just sex. Hand holding, hugs, or simply letting your woman rest her head on your shoulder are a few examples of non-sexual Physical Touch.
In one way or another, both men and women need Physical Touch, but for women whose main love language may not even be Physical Touch, it holds the same importance due to a woman’s natural personality.
As a man, it can sometimes be difficult to recognize the times when your female partner is in need of a well-timed intimate touch, so the best bet would be to ensure that this type of love language is given often.
In the midst of a stressful situation, it is difficult for a woman, or anyone for that matter, to have the patience and clarity to be able to ask for exactly what they need. That's why it’s beneficial to make this a regular practice, regardless of whether she seems to need it or not.
Acts of Service
Acts of Service are doing things, big or small, to benefit your spouse, and they should always be done with a smile.
To make Acts of Service an effective love languages for men and women, they have to be able to see that you are pleased to do them. If they are done with even the slightest attitude of unhappiness, it won’t speak love and could then create an unintended negative effect of making her feel guilty that you are doing things for her.
If gift-giving doesn’t come naturally to you, that makes it even more important to learn to speak this language with the woman in your life. It’s one of the more common love languages for men and women, with the difference usually being in the types of gifts each person likes to receive.
Keep in mind, the gifts you give her don’t have to be pricey or big, and they don’t have to be given every day. Pick and choose special times or spontaneous occasions to make them all the more special.
Remember that above all else, a gift represents a thought, so connecting gifts to your normal, everyday thoughts of your woman should make the question of what you should buy (or make) a bit easier to answer.
For larger gifts, you usually already have an idea of what she’d like from previous conversations, but for the smaller gifts, the more thought that goes into them, the larger they seem.
Love languages for men can be tough to understand and put into practice, but by understanding your own language first, you can more easily identify and satisfy the woman in your life. The key to understanding others is to first know thyself, and with love languages, it is no different.
Building healthy relationships takes work and clear lines of communication. We need to let our partners know what makes us feel loved and we also need to love our partners in the ways they want to be loved. By doing this and maintaining the practice throughout the relationship, knowing and using love languages can help boost the overall quality of our relationships.
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